October 7, 2007

The Secret to Getting Published

I went to Barnes & Noble last night to do a little research. I've got the publishing bug again and went to scope out the competition in the Humor section of the hallowed shelves of this store. It turns out I've been going about my book idea all wrong. From what I saw on the shelves, I've missed what the masses are really looking for. Cat humor.

I swear that one out of three books in Barnes and Noble are about cats. Cats dressed as bunnies. Painted Cats. Naughty cats. Talking cats. I've totally missed the boat. In the entire two years that I've been publishing this blog, there have only been two posts about cats. (Here and Here) Publishers don't want my mommy humor. They don't want insights into the merits of the Sport Illustrated Swim Suit Issue. And they certainly don't want to read about Fido-eating Asians. They want cats.

If any of you have been at my end of the publishing journey, you'll know what obstacles I'm facing. I can only have a successful book if I have a great publisher. I can only get a great (or any) publisher if I have a fantastic agent. I can only get a fantastic agent if I have confidence that I have something worth publishing. And according to my research last night, I only have good content if I have cats. My current manuscript is going into the trash and I'm headed to the SPCA. I'll make my peace with these mangy marmots and their smug ways. I'll find a way to write a book called "Cats who Care" full of icky photos of cats dressed as doctors and airline attendants. It will be phenomenally successful. I'll go on tour and be on all the major talk shows with my cat cage in one hand and my gleaming, published book in the other. A year later my cats will suffocate me in my sleep but it will all have been worth it, I'll have been published.


10 comments:

MommyJ said...

so that's what the secret is! I just thought you had to know someone that knew someone that was willing to talk about you to someone that they knew so that they could tell someone that they knew to publish you.

chronicler said...

You need a cat? I've got one I'll give. Yep and he'll help you find your humor muse for sure!

Shiloh said...

Sarah-
don't sell out to the cats. just don't do it. we need the percentage of cat books in relation to other books to decline, and i'm counting on you to help out with that ratio!

Sue said...

I am going to have nightmares now. Cat humor. Help.

I hope you are able to wedge your foot in the door - I'm sure you'd write something fantastic.

Ang said...

When I was about 11 I bought an illustrated book "101 ways to use a dead cat". Cat humor. Sick cat humor but can humor none the less.

Heather said...

Maybe you can write a book about an orpahned cat who grew up being neglected by the system so turned to a life of crime and drugs. I see a future Oprah Book Club pick.

http://3boysundermyroof.blogspot.com

acte gratuit said...

Crap. I didn't know there were so many steps! I was hoping a publishing company would stumble on my blog, offer to combine a bunch of my posts into a book, and send me a big fat check.

And now I'm doubly (is that a word?) screwed because I hate cats and try to squirt them with water whenever they come into my yard!

Aargh!

wynne said...

Nah, it's not even the cats they want. After all, I have regularly posted about cats, and has this gotten me published? Alas, no.

laundrylessons said...

Oh the irony...I just found you and you'll never guess what I'm working on...a cat book. Okay, I wrote a mom humor book, well kind of humor and inspirational. I have an agent. He's been trying to sell it for five months...no luck. Too many mom books and I don't have a national radio/TV/newspaper column/porn site to promote my book. So I'm hoping the cat book will be good...will sell...then get my other book sold. Visit me...I'd love to chat and trade war stories.

Kathy
www.lessonsfromthelaundry.com

Sher said...

OMG, I hear you! Too much feline fiction.