February 15, 2008

Sandra D. meets Me

Spike and I decided to get away this Valentine's Day so I left my two sick girls with their aunt and we took off for Phoenix. There is a legal society conference going on out here so we celebrated our love last night by sitting in a huge room full of Mormon lawyers, listening to how we need to use our powers for good and not evil. It was tres romantic.

Today there is a series of lectures covering a wide variety of topics. We get to hear from Sandra Day O'Conner (or Sandra D. as I like to call her) in an hour. I'm excited to see if she recognizes me - I hear all the Supreme Court Justices are required to spend at least an hour a day reading Hollywood Flakes. My list of grievances of the American legal system is ready for our inevitable discussion. Here are some of my talking points:

Supercuts is not super. I'm interested in the honest and ethical naming of all places of business. Just last night I drove by a tattoo parlor that advertised in bright neon lights, "NO REGRETS TATTOO." Puh-lease.

I'd like declawing to be legal for all children under the ages of two. We mothers of small infants walk around with bloody gashes on our faces. What about our rights?

Americans should be able to buy seasonal hunting tags for those huge, inflatable lawn decorations that people put out at Christmas time. I'd love to bag me one of those 8 foot tall Frosty the Snowmen.

Actresses should be paid depending on how much they weigh. Every pound over 100 they carry during a movie shooting is an extra million dollars. If they fall under 100 pounds, their contract is void. Anorexia would be abolished and McDonalds wouldn't have to degrade themselves to providing a healthy menu.

The Miranda rights needs a "right to party like a rock star" to lighten the tension when you are arrested.

People like me should be banned from blogging when they have nothing of value to say.

I'm off to meet Sandra. I'll let you know when my policies come into effect. So if you are pulled over for a DUI this weekend and the cop tells you about your rights to rock, send a big thanks out my way. Your welcome in advance.

14 comments:

Emmy said...

You crack me up! Enjoy being child free!

Heffalump said...

You truly do know how to keep the romance alive!
Have a great time!

The MomBabe said...

and what a beautiful rainy day to be in phoenix...

Perla said...

I can't wait to see what Sandra D. says to all of your valuable suggestions! As a court interpreter, I have taken the liberties of adding in that miranda right for Spanish-speaking defendants, so at least some people are already getting it. I add it in at the end and then again before the judge accepts a plea and asks, "Do you have any questions about your rights (to party like a rockstar)?"

Rachel said...

I am laughing so hard. Thank you, and have a great time.

Nancy Sabina said...

I'm all for the law about actresses weight. But, in all fairness, there should be some height to weight ratio. And "actress" needs to be defined by age. But - nice sentiment.
I hope you're using your right to party like a rock star while kid free (cuz partying like a rock star when you're with your kids just leads you down Brittney's road, and nobody wants that).

Barbaloot said...

Hey-welcome to Phoenix! Too bad it's not sunny while you're here:(
Can you also ask Sandra about keeping all big semis and trailers out of the "fast" lane. They really mess up my flow when I'm trying to drive along.

chan said...

Ha ha! You always seem to make me laugh! Have a nice time with the hubby!:)

bythelbs said...

Wow. That's a scary picture of Sandra.

You've got my vote for the declawing of toddlers. If I had a nickel...

Shiloh said...

Where do I sign up for one of those Holiday decoration hunting tags? Once this law is passed I might actually become interested in hunting ;)

Mumsy Editor said...

I don't think that's a scary picture of Sandra. She's an older lady, true, but what a magnificent career and amazing woman. She's been through a lot, triumphed over cancer, been a Supreme Court justice, etc. She's awesome. You're so lucky to have her at your conference! Did you go to her lecture?

kadusey said...

You got here right in time for one of the few yearly cold and rainy spells. Of course, once the weekend is over, it's supposed to get back up into the 70's again. Should be decently nice weather by lunchtime today.

I do love the rain though.

bythelbs said...

Sorry, I meant no disrespect to Justice O'Connor. Yes, she's awesome--I really admire the woman, but I have definitely seen more flattering pictures.

Vivian Love said...

You are so funny. Enjoy Phoenix. Even tho I agree that SandraD. is an amazing woman, please ask her to change her hairdo. No, nevermind! No one would recognize her if she did. Why change a good thing?

I'm sure you've done this before, but I tagged you!

http://quiltswithlove.blogspot.com/2008/02/7-random-facts-about-me.html