I think he is a jerk for asking her to stand by him. I was listening to NPR today (don't worry, I listen to Rush Limbaugh, too) and the wife of a former NJ gov came on and reminded me that no matter what we say we would do now, none of us know how we would react in the face of such a terrible betrayal. I think that if I was his wife I would slug him and tell him to stay the *&% away from me for the rest of eternity. But maybe when you have three kids and you are in the limelight and so betrayed like that, you just don't know what to do. I feel very bad for her. Anyway...that was a stupid comment. Sorry you had to read it. I guess most couples have been talking about this public betrayal.
I feel like his publicist thought it would be good for her to stand there with him, but in the end, I think it has backfired tremendously. I have not heard one person regardless of their political and moral views that agreed with his public confession with his wife my his side. As much as I detest Bill Clinton, at least he had the nerve to do his public confession ALONE. Eliot needed to be man enough to take the heat ALONE, too. His mistake. His crime. Regardelss if she forgives him and they work through it - HIS MISTAKE in a public office.KEEP BELIEVING
I posted on this yesterday, we, as a society have come to expect this from our "leaders". I saw a report on the morning news showing a few examples of "stand by your man" where the point of the news blip wasn't that the women were supportive, but rather the identical outfits for public confession. All men in dark blue suits, red striped tie, women all in powder blue suits white blouse pearl choker. That's the news. Not his betrayal, the outfit coincidence.Personally I know of two couples who went through this and actual came out the other end better off and stronger than one would presume. Not saying it was easy, but madness turned to reality and the repentance began. In both of these cases it was more emotional than recreational "indiscretions" - maybe that was the difference? Interestingly enough though, both those cases got a divorce and THEN remarried when all was figured out.One last thing. If nothing else good has come from the Governor's bad choices, at least it got you to write something and move those eels a tad down the page! THANKS SPIKE!
Ditto what Perla said...I would have used more split modifiers and dangled a few more participles, though.
I just think he is a total a** and I wouldn't stand by ANY man that did that to me! EVER! I KNOW THAT! Poor lady. Seeing her on TV...you could just see that she is broken. Absolutely broken. My heart just aches for her. This is becoming WAY too common of an occurance for our society. It makes me sick. It scares me to raise my kids in this world. How do we teach them what is right when the people WE elect to guide and run this country keep committing this very same sin? He was client #9! Who is 8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1????? Do they think that they will be THE ONE that gets away with it??? This one has me all fired up. I am just sick and scared to death at what this country has become. We are seriously becoming such an embarrassment when it comes to our political figures. Kati
jessica g, you are funny. Spike, your California post was spot-on.
He's following a script. This is what politicians do when they are caught doing something naughty. Like S'mee said, everybody is reporting on how they followed the script to the letter, and my paper even showed pictures of Gary Hart, the NJ gov, and Bill Clinton (nope, not ALL of his speeches of repentence were done alone) all with their dutiful wives by their side. Even McCain, who was recently accused of an inappropriate relationship with a lobbyist, had his wife by his side when he faced the press, although in his case, he has plausible deniability, and his wife actually got to speak.Also, what would the press have made of it if his wife wasn't there? Much, I'm sure, as I've already read a lot about how Michelle Obama leaves the stage when her husband speaks, breaking the mold of dutiful adoring background wife.At least there was no child present. When the guy from NJ resigned, his wife stood there holding their infant. Blech.
I would start a support group. WAAH - Wive's against adulturous husbands.
I'm cynical and tend to think she's as politically motivated as he is.
I would have punched him in the face.How embarrassing for her!
I think I would have gone up there with him, but in the middle of his speech I would've punched him right in the mouth. As a person originally from New York, I am so disgusted with him. He's a sleaze ball, and should be ashamed of all he's done.
Kate, I would have aimed lower and with my knee.
Hmmm......it really doesn't reflect badly on her. It makes him look like more of a jerk that he has a wife that is standing by him. I'm sure she's just by him now for show and she'll dump his cheating a$$ soon enough. Dana McGreevy stood next to her NJ Governor husband when he confessed that he had a gay lover. She has since moved on and wrote a book about it.Also, I don't think this case is one that 'the wife is the last to know', really, as much as he is in the limelight, I'm sure she was tipped off years ago. And she stayed........
My DH and I were watching the news together and I told him at the time - if he ever did something like that, no WAY would I be standing there next to him. I can't fathom why she chose to do it.
Kati, one of the reports I read informed us that "now every public person should learn from this and use cash from now on. Electronics always leave a paper trail." Oakey dokey. Let's hope all those others clients are listening! : PM.E.Lib,& Susan, I tend to agree with you. No one could have drug me up there unless I felt *I* needed to be there somehow.Heather, yup. AND do we notice that within each speech are "subtle" biblical phrases? "I need to atone for this." or "Where much was given, much was expected". Gag. Ya, when you plop down 1K an hour you *do* expect something! I want to barf.Moddy, when I read your comment I visualized her being very stealth in her actions, so much so that when she made her move he bent down in pain and banged his head on the podium. Kind of a two for one sale.
my husband and i were just talking about this sort of thing last night. cuz we're crazy thinking about what we would do if the other had an affair. I have a lot of respect for people who can stick together and make it work after such a terrible thing. but you have to ask yourself, what was happening in the marriage to drive the other person to have an affair? not that any one person is to blame. but it takes two to make a good marriage. certainly there are exceptions to everything....
anyone else think He could have pulled a better face? fits doesn't it. Make look creepy AND dumb. Poor wifey. I wouldn't have done it, I would have been at my moms house instead.
He WAS a jerk for asking her to do it, but SHE did it. Why in the world she did is anyones guess, I wouldn't have done it for all the money in the world. Maybe she into that kind of thing, who knows.
I obviously disagree with her standing by his side up there. It's ridiculous! One mistake - possible forgiveness - 10 YEARS of mistakes, that's another story. But when I was talking to my husband about this, he wondered if maybe she's standing by him because she knew about the whole thing all along. Maybe this wasn't a surprise to her. I haven't followed the story enough to know if they've already said if she knew about it or not. Even so - this just makes me sick. Not for him, not for her, but for their little girls who have to hear about, and read about what their daddy - who they probably looked up to - was doing.
I would make my husband stand alone... very, very alone.
I just feel bad for her. No matter what she did she would be criticized. No, she didn't know about the affair. The reason he was caught was because the bank saw suspicious money transfers and tipped off the FBI (as they are required to do by law.) He was moving money around so she wouldn't know about the prostitute. She probably hadn't even had time to decide whether or not she still wants to try to make the marriage work. If she didn't go up there, there'd be almost no chance for reconciliation, so maybe she was just keeping her options open. He shouldn't have asked her though. It shows just how unfeeling he has been to her over all these years.
She DID know about the crap that was going on. That doesn't mean she deserved it. But she is responsible for her own actions. I hate when women play the "victim" card. Because we are not that weak. And we are not that dumb. He's a jerk. She's choosing to stand by him. She did know stuff was going on. What her intentions are? Who knows. But to suggest that she is just a poor victim with no say in the matter is so backwards. Perhaps the money and power are important enough to her that it's worth it for her to stick it out. I'm not saying that's right or wrong. Anyone faced with the position of having to raise kids on their own without the benefits she's had of being married to a man with money and power would probably think twice about up and leaving him.Personally, I'd take a different road. But that's just me. And my choice.
ACK! I have to say something. I personally know of a man (family member)who cheated on his wife "purely because I knew I could". He was extremely successful, and a co worker offered her attentions and so he decided "why not?" His wife was beautiful, fit, amazing figure, sweet, educated, and even he admits -"perfect", his explanation was "pure ego, it was available and it was because I was a (his profession title). I could suddenly have whatever I wanted. So I did." It didn't matter that he had the perfect wife, his ego took over and he destroyed their marriage.Sometimes, it doesn't take two to tango. Sometimes it only take one.I am sorry but even if your spouse is absolutely horrid, a person over the age of 8 has will and choice. If it was that bad, divorce is always an option.
Personally, I admire her for standing up there with him. To me, it doesn't mean she condones or accepts what he did. Nor does it necessarily mean she forgives him or plans to stay with him. I believe that as the first lady of the state of NY, she felt it was her duty to be there when he stepped down. Also, she may have felt that it was in the best interest of her children to show support for their father. So personally I hope the media and everyone stops blasting her...Leave Silda Alone!
I can't figure out how she can stand there and look at him without punching him. Really.
Amen, Red Fox! I hate how the media is so totally focused on judging the wife right now when ALL the criticism should remain on the husband. Nobody knows her intentions and I feel that judging her for her actions right now is disgusting. Let's keep the discussion focused on the slimy husband and leave the poor woman to sort through what's left of her life in peace.
I don't know but I'm not only getting tired of these power dicks thinking they can do whatever they want and get away with it, I'm really getting sick of the wives standing so dutifully beside them when they either swear innocence (Craig) or give up the goods and say how sorry they are for screwing the public. Yeah..right. T'were it my husband? He wanted to screw around on his wife alone, he could jolly well stand there alone too.Jerk!
I hate that the media is focusing on why she stood there. I hate that the blogsphere is doing the same thing.. I need to do a post about it. I hate that ANYONE has wasted time and energy critisizing her.I am that woman. My husband had an affair. I stayed by him. Granted, he wasn't the governer, but I sat by him at church, lost friends that couldn't understand why I would do that, etc, etc. We are young (both barely 30). Don't for a second think that I didn't think it through long and hard (just as ES's wife is, I think). I took it minute by minute. It has been just a year and I still am. I caution ALL of you that say "I would never do that". I said the same thing, and you know what? When it is YOUR husband, YOUR family and YOUR children, you tend to think it through a little bit differently. I didn't do what I thought I would. Not because I am weak, or following a script or anything else besides I was thoughtful, prayerful and was (and am still) just trying my best to do the best thing for my family. I have suprsied myself. I have not reacted at all in the way I thought I would. Maybe because it isn't so black and white as it seems to the rest of you.Don't flame me...but since I seem to be the ONLY person who has commented so far that has been in his wife's postion, know that there is knowlege behind this comment. I barely even REMEMBER the first months.Perla, I appreciate your words b/c you are right. You DON"T KNOW what you would do. You are just trying to keep breathing. Trust me. ALso, can I point out that just because one person does awful things, it isn't the sum total of what/who they are? He is still her hsuband, they still built a life together. Doing something UNBELIEVEABLY bad and awful does'nt make you an awful person. That is what I learned. There is still a sense of what they are. Maybe I am not expressing myself well, but I just wanted to remind us all that we are all more than our sins. ALso, I was less interested in what he DID, as in what he choose to do in the future. Yes, my husband and ES are screwed up. Can they change? That remains to be seen.... SO far, we are doing great. I might even say, better than ever because we have stripped away the lies and are finally living a truthful life. We are both very educated. We are both RM's. We go to church every week. Some of you know us. It happens to all kinds of people. That is why Satan keeps using morality as a temptation. It works. I am not saying that anyone should do what we did, I am just saying that sometimes it is ok to stand by your husband and you don't deserve to be called weak or manipulated or any of the other things that she (and I) have been called. There are only TWO people that can make that call.I wish I didn't recognize the look in her eyes. It still hurts to see it.
Anon ~ very powerful statement. Thank you for sharing those feelings. That was really powerful.
hollywood informs me that my post sounds like i was being critical of the wife. i wasn't. i don't really know what her motivation was. i just think spitzer is a bad guy for allowing his wife to stand up there with him. seems humiliating for her. seems like a moderately considerate husband wouldn't have put her through that. but then again, a moderately considerate husband probably wouldn't patronize prostitutes for years on end.
Okay - I just had to share this one - Spike and I were just going to bed and he commented, "I bet clients 1 through 8 are FREAKING OUT right now."My husband cracks me up.
Anon: Nope. At some point some pride for yourself must step in. He obviously used her in his marriage; by having her stand there so dutiful next to him, he, again, is using her. Again...at some point, a person has to stop being used.
I appreciate the comments from anonymous whose husband cheated. Who know what they were thinking in having her stand there, but it was ultimately their decision together. I doubt that he held a gun to her head. Anyway, I read that before Spitzer resigned, SHE was the one who was pushing him to try to stay in office and save face. Maybe standing next to him was her way of saying to the public that if SHE could forgive him maybe THEY could too. But, yah, that didn't happen.
Yes, he is obviously slimey, and she is amazing to stand there and still support him even though she must feel so humiliated!
One word for him, Dog. The only reason that his wife or anybody else would stand behind a lowlife is because of the children. But doesn't that send a bad message to her 3 daughters? That no matter how wretched your husband is and how selfish he is and the fact that he didn't care about his 3 daughters when he called up the escorts, not once but at least 8 times... I would have run for the hills with the kids and fight for sole custody. Maybe "Kristen" should have stood behind him, she has a lot more to win.
Unfortunately I had the same thing happen to me--finding out that my husband was invovled with the same activity...it turns out that they lie and betray everyone--it rocks your world like you'd never believe or even every imagine. His wife's likely in complete shock and his three daughers--Oh My God--I hope his wife and daughters survive this! God Bless them!
I'm with Julie...he would have been up there confessing to hte world with at least one nice, new black eye.LisaC
Well, quite frankly I think he is a PIG. A filthy, squeeling pig... not a cute little piglet. Just plain gross!
ahh nothing says romance like an adulterous duo who share it with the world. hey - it worked for the clintons i guess
I'm just glad we live in a country where adultery is still generally considered a bad thing. Although it is slipping. But isn't having a mistress a requirement for entering politics in France?
Has no one metioned the 'it wasn't my fault, I'm an addict' thing yet?? That seems to be the case whenever some weak ass man (or woman for that matter) pulls something like this. Don't blame addiction, blame power.As for Eliot's wife, she was damned because she did and would have been damned if she didn't. Maybe she was politically motivated, or had a prenup that stated that she 'had to stand by her man' or she doesn't get any of what's left of the marraige. I always tell my husband that if he's gonna cheat, own up to it, and leave me all your stuff when my foot hits your ass before the door of the Greyhound shuts behind it!Personally, I blame Bill and Hill for setting the precedent in the first place. Bet y'all would feel differently if your daughter was hooker #9 or Monica L. Would you stand by your man at that point?
I agree with most of the writers to call the Governor a jerk, and a disgrace husband and father, but I cannot understand the reason for his wife wanting to stick by him. A beautiful, intelligent woman wanted to completely ignore her husband's involvement in a sexual scandal of this nature. The Governor’s wife at one point asked her husband not to resign. What was her reason for such a request? Is it because she wants to continue to be New York first lady? I feel her pain but I also see her as an opportunist. Some women today appear to want social status in society even if it means breaking legal norms. The Governor committed an illegal act, and embarrassed his office and his family. Despite all of this his wife wanted him to continue to be the Governor and her husband. What does this tell??? Her entire marriage appears to be lie. Following the reports in the media he was involved in having sex with prostitutes thoughtout the marriage. Now why would she still want to be with him??
I agree with most of the writers to call the Governor a Jerk, and a disgrace husband and father, but I cannot understand the reason for his wife wanting to stick by him. A beautiful, intelligent woman wanted to completely ignore her husband involvement in a sexual scandal of this nature. The Governor’s wife at one point asked her husband not to resign. What was her reason for such request? Is it because she wants to continue to be New York first lady? I feel her pain but I also see her as an opportunist. Some women today appear to want social status in society even if it means breaking legal norms. The Governor committed an illegal act, and embarrassed his office and his family. Despite all of this his wife wanted him to continue to be the Governor and her husband. What does this tell??? Her entire marriage appears to be lie. Following the reports in the media he was involved in having sex with prostitutes thought out the marriage. Now why would she still want to be with him??
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