Your Name Here
I was party to a disgusting prank today. As much as it hurt my stomach to participate, in the end I found no alternative. Apparently, somebody thought Anthony deserved to be punished and I had little say in the matter.
I was at Michael's craft store stocking up on supplies when I had the feeling a bathroom would be a good idea in the near future. A stock girl pointed me to the women's restroom. A one holer. The bathroom was pretty trashed and I contemplated asking one of the employees to clean it up first, but biology told me to just get it over with. Looking past the dirty toilet paper strewn all over the floor, I apprised the toilet. In harsh, black scars, the name "Anthony" had been etched on one side of the toilet seat.
Woah now. This was not my battle. For all I knew, Anthony was a decent guy who had just been misunderstood. For all I knew, he'd enraged this woman was because he spent all his evenings with his ailing grandmother. For all I knew, Anthony crochets bandages for lepers. But there was his name - ripped across 50% of my valuable toilet real estate. "Sorry, Anthony," I muttered.
If only Anthony knew how many sweet, crafty women have defiled his name. I can only pray that he actually deserves it. Anthony, wherever you are, be bad. Be very bad. Do it for me and my guilty conscience. And say "hi" to your grandma for me.
I was at Michael's craft store stocking up on supplies when I had the feeling a bathroom would be a good idea in the near future. A stock girl pointed me to the women's restroom. A one holer. The bathroom was pretty trashed and I contemplated asking one of the employees to clean it up first, but biology told me to just get it over with. Looking past the dirty toilet paper strewn all over the floor, I apprised the toilet. In harsh, black scars, the name "Anthony" had been etched on one side of the toilet seat.
Woah now. This was not my battle. For all I knew, Anthony was a decent guy who had just been misunderstood. For all I knew, he'd enraged this woman was because he spent all his evenings with his ailing grandmother. For all I knew, Anthony crochets bandages for lepers. But there was his name - ripped across 50% of my valuable toilet real estate. "Sorry, Anthony," I muttered.
If only Anthony knew how many sweet, crafty women have defiled his name. I can only pray that he actually deserves it. Anthony, wherever you are, be bad. Be very bad. Do it for me and my guilty conscience. And say "hi" to your grandma for me.
Comments
But as she stood there and listened it dawns on her- Anthony isn't buying you a gift, or getting tips- he's actually teaching HER a thing or two about cross stitching and embroidery and some cross between the two called 'stitchery'. That's it- you just couldn't take it anymore. SHE was the crafty one- he's been hiding this secret from her- holding back while she did all the decorating and crafting in the house. She can't contain yourself and runs to the bathroom in tears.
"NO!" she screams in anguish. Without thinking she pull your swiss army knife out of your bag (really- what good would she be as a mom without one) and takes her anger out on the first thing she sees- the toilet seat. It's not something she's ever done before, but darn it feels good. Take that Anthony- your name will know shame for the rest of that seats days.
But that toilet seat? It may have saved her marriage because really? What sort of man would be sneaking around a craft store chatting up little old ladies about stitchery anyway? Turns out rather nice ones who were just too embarrassed to share their skills because they didn't want to overshadow their wife. But now they can stitch together in peace in front of the tv on many a friday night because she took her anger out on the toilet seat rather then on poor, poor Anthony.
And anyone else who thinks that Amber's husband's name is Anthony, give me a double "aye."
Aye
and
Aye Aye ;)
I hate public restrooms.
-Michaeless in Norway
Thanks
I would think Michaels could afford a new toilet seat, for crying out loud. If not, maybe they should rethink their whole eternal 40% off coupon campaign. Don't worry, I'm biting my tongue (or fingers?) now.
Good one, Amber.
Thanks for making my life better with your brilliant writing. :)
U R funny.
We LOVED your alien gift for stephy-so creative. Hope all is going well for you and the fam. See ya soon